you should be dancing

Posted on May 15, 2012 by frmom

You should, but I should not, unless it’s dark and I’ve had a couple of skinny margaritas…trust me. Although there is one instructor in the entire universe who makes me feel like I, too, can dance, almost….her name is Kim Bolourtchi, and this just might be your lucky day.

Kim used to teach with me but has recently moved her Zumba classes into the Dance Floor in Chesterfield Valley. When I say that people are absolutely insane about her classes, that is truly an understatement. On a Tuesday or Thursday morning, she could have 100 students in one class. In 27 years of teaching, not only have I never taught a class that big, I’ve never even heard of a class that big. The thing about Kim is that not only is she an amazing (competitive) dancer, she is also an amazing instructor - not usually found in the same body. People who do things that well aren’t usually the best teachers, because it has come so naturally for them. Not so with Kim.

I’m not the only one gushing about Kim – click here for an article on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch website. Click here to go to her website, and see what students are saying.

Here’s the good news – I’m doing a giveaway for a 5-class punchcard for her classes ($45 value). And all you have to do are a couple teeny-tiny things:

LIKE Zumba with Kim B on Facebook.
LIKE Meet the Fr’s on Facebook.
Share this post on your Facebook wall.
Follow me @frsmom on Twitter.

If you already like both of us on Facebook, just let me know and it will count as an entry. And if you have already been to the Dance Floor with Kim, you can enter but you’ll have to bring a friend with you who hasn’t been yet! I don’t want to exclude loyal followers. If you need tips on drugging and/or kidnapping a friend to get them to a dance class, let me know.

You get one entry into the drawing for each of these, and you can share on your Facebook wall multiple times for multiple entries – be sure to comment on the blog or on Facebook so I know you’ve done it. I’ve got 5 kids, a husband, a dog, 2 graduating seniors, and 4 3 2 jobs* - I can’t be expected to keep track of all that! And even if you don’t want to shake your groove thang, just “like” both of us because it makes us feel good. If you win you can give it to your husband for Father’s Day…and then this could be you!

Random drawing will be held on Friday, May 25th to kick off Memorial Day weekend!

*stay tuned!!!

P.S. Yoga videos soon to come…in the works! Super excited about that!

quick updates

Posted on May 9, 2012 by frmom

Hey hey hey! Busy time of year for everyone, so here’s a quick update of what’s to come in the next couple of weeks.

First of all, I’ve been promising to post my summer yoga schedule.

May

Saturday, May 12th 11:30am Valley Vinyasa (VV)
Thursday May 17th 6am Life Time Fitness (LTF)
Thursday May 24th 6am LTF
Thursday May 31st 6am LTF

June

Tuesday, June 5th 6am VV
Thursday, June 14th 6am LTF
Tuesday, June 19th 6am VV
Thursday, June 28th 6am LTF

July

Thursday, July 12th 6am LTF
Tuesday, July 17th 6am VV
Thursday, July 26th 6am LTF
Tuesday, July 31st 6am VV

Will update with August once I’ve scheduled classes. Also – super excited about this one – one of my most favorite people Kim Bolourtchi is an AMAZING dance/Zumba instructor. Actually, she’s an amazing dancer who also happens to be an amazing teacher, which is NOT always the case. She’s recently moved her classes to a private dance studio, and we’re going to do a giveaway for a class punchcard. Yippee! Love giveaways. More info to follow soon!

And, continuing along the exciting giveaway path, I’ll be doing a review of the book “S.O.S. from Suburbia” (who doesn’t feel like that sometimes??) and will have a drawing for a copy. Trust me, great pool/beach read.

Last, for now…I working on video-ing some yoga sequences with instruction that I’ll post here, mainly for people who would like to do yoga in their homes but don’t know how to begin. And I’ll be showcasing Public Myth clothing, a workout/lifestyle clothing company for which I’ve recently become a Brand Enthusiast. Because I’m totally enthusiastic about the brand!! I’m even more excited about the yoga clips. Hoping for awesomeness.

Stay tuned! Over and out.

no mountain lion…yet

Posted on April 30, 2012 by frmom

I’ve been telling my family that I have a feeling that there is a mountain lion in Eureka, and I might run into it on one of my runs. For those of you who don’t live in the area, the past couple of years there have been mountain lion sightings sort-of close…within 20 miles or so, but never in Eureka. However, Eureka is MUCH more rural than where they were actually seen, so I’ve educated myself on what to do in the unlucky event that I encounter a mountain lion. Evidently, I should not run away (screaming), which is unfortunate because that’s what I’ll already be doing and I’m thinking I would naturally be inclined to continue doing. I should actually stop, face the creature, and act really BIG. And in my totally insane mind, this is kind of a double-edged sword…on the bright side, I would still be alive. However, I would immediately need to go on a diet because I was SO BIG that I scared off a mountain lion.

In case you think I’m completely nuts, here are some pictures of my current route.

This is pretty much what I see, with the occasional car flying by at 90 mph driven by either a texting teenager or person last seen in the movie Deliverance.

If you look really really hard in the upper left corner you can see the last view of a deer’s butt. I’m not so quick with the camera. I missed a shot of a groundhog waddling down the street (that would have been great) and a turkey ran across in front of me, too. Missed that.

This is a cute little schoolhouse. Empty.

This little guy is the only thing that stopped and let me take his picture. I think he was posing, because he actually poked his head out and turned a little bit, so I could get his good side.

So, as you can see, if there are mountain lions roaming the backyards of Chesterfield, Missouri, it’s entirely possible that they are in my neck of the (literally) woods, too. And now I’ve said it publicly, so if it’s on the news, people can say, ~~“I knew she was nuts!”~~ “She knew! And yet, she still bravely went out and did what she loved/hated.”

trust me

Posted on April 25, 2012 by frmom

I mentioned in my last post about a new face balm that I’m trying called Helen Knows Best. The owner of Blue Moon Activewear (where I “work”) discovered this in Park City, Utah, on a ski trip, and fell in love with it. It was created by an esthetician (Helen, I presume?) for people whose skin was being bullied by the harsh elements in Park City, and perhaps other mean cities. Anyway, Cheri came home RAVING about it (she really would hardly shut up*), and between her face, neck, heels, and cuticles, I think she was pretty much bathing in it.

*just kidding Cheri

So, after submitting to a background check, DNA test and sacrificing a newborn snapping turtle**, Helen finally agreed to let Blue Moon Activewear carry her products. And because ~~I was about out of my nighttime moisturizer~~ I’ll do anything to improve my readers’ lives, I said what the hell, I’ll give it a try. I was given a sample-size container for research purposes.

**just kidding again

I should probably clarify that I never receive any monetary compensation for products that I endorse or recommend here. Unfortunately.

First of all, it is all natural, and smells like lavendar, which was a little different for me because my usual moisturizer doesn’t have any scent. Not overwhelming though. It is very lightweight, but I never feel like I need more, which is also unusual. I have very high maintenance skin (go figure), so for me to find something in which the recommended small amount is neither greasy nor dry DOES NOT HAPPEN. I feel like Goldilocks, and I’ve finally found Baby Bear’s bed – it’s JUST RIGHT. I use it on my face, eyes, neck, and cuticles.

The final seal of approval happened today, when I saw a friend that I hadn’t seen in awhile, and out of the blue she commented on how great my skin looked. So, I decided to go for it, write the blog and HIGHLY recommend Helen Knows Best. They also have a sunscreen, which is next on my list, because I am a complete spaz about sunscreen, as we all should be. The kicker is that the price of the face balm is $38. And that is not a typo. If you are interested, you can call Blue Moon Activewear at 314.256.1823. Be sure to tell them Karyn sent you!

seriously ahhhhh-mazing

Posted on April 22, 2012 by frmom

I made this dessert last night and wish that I’d been able to capture the look on #3′s face when he took the first bite. It was priceless. Everyone (except for #5, who inexplicably doesn’t really like dessert) LOVED it. I took parts from all of our favorites and *boom* this one now sits atop the leader board.

Gooey Butter Cheesecake Cookie Dough Bars

Crust

1/3 C packed brown sugar
5T butter, softened
3/4 C graham cracker crumbs
1/2 C all-purpose flour

Cookie Dough

5T butter, softened
1/3 C packed brown sugar
3T white sugar
1/2 egg, beaten*
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 C all-purpose flour
2/3 C semi-sweet chocolate chips

Cheesecake

8oz cream cheese, softened
1/4 C white sugar
1/2 egg, beaten*
2T milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp lemon juice

Heat oven to 350°. Line 8″ square baking dish with parchment paper, allowing some overhang.
Crust. Cream together butter and brown sugar. Add in graham cracker crumbs, mix well. Add flour, mix well. Press mixture into bottom of pan. I coated my fingers in extra flour because it was very sticky. IT WILL BE THIN. Bake 12 minutes, remove and set aside to cool.
*Beat egg in separate bowl.
Cookie Dough. Cream together butter and brown sugar. Add white sugar, vanilla, and 1/2 of beaten egg. Mix well, and slowly add flour. Stir in chips, then set aside.
Cheesecake. Beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Mix in remaining 1/2 of egg, vanilla, milk, and lemon juice. Pour cheesecake batter into graham crust.
Drop cookie dough by large spoonfuls onto cheesecake.
Bake 25-30 minutes, until set. I checked mine at 25 minutes, then did 3 more minutes. Let cool completely, and lift out of dish with the parchment paper overhang.

*Warning* (disregard if you live in the F’r house, where there is no such thing as too rich) This is very rich!! Be sure you are sitting down when you take your first bite in case you pass out because of it’s awesomeness.

P.S. Coming in the next couple of days – a review of a new face cream that I’m trying called Helen Knows Best…so far it’s amaze-balls, but I need to be 100% sure before I give it my full stamp of approval. Stay tuned!

the first step is admitting you have a problem

Posted on April 18, 2012 by frmom

I am addicted to reality tv. I watch it all the time and for the most part what was once entertaining is now annoying, uncomfortable and even embarrassing to admit. I imagine it to be comparable to drug addiction, what once started out as recreational and fun is no longer fun, yet I can’t stop.

The problem is all of the Real Housewives shows – OC, Beverly Hills, New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, and I might have forgotten a couple. I’m not sure what I found interesting at first, I guess I just found them to be a curiosity more than anything. But gradually, most of the “stars” became less “real” and more deluded, until now it’s like watching a train wreck. Perhaps as they became pseudo-celebrities, people treated them as if they really were something extra-special, and therefore they began to think they were extra-special. They are not.

I have said quite often that if I was being filmed 24/7 for 4-6 months, there would be PLENTY of crazy material to fill 10-12 hour-long shows. However, after my (not infrequent) moments of insanity, I (as do all “normal” people) typically have those moments of clarity, of “wtf have I done”, and the RH’s do not have those moments. They continue on, and on, and on, AND ON! forever, about how so-and-so wronged them, so-and-so is a crazy bitch, so-and-so is DELUSIONAL (that’s actually a favorite word of theirs). But they are never wrong. I would actually really like to live in that world of “I’m never wrong” but it turns out, when you live there, the other people in your life then choose to live elsewhere.

I do believe that the editing on these shows is great, and secretly the editors must hate the stars. Because you’ll watch a clip of Alexis (RHoOC) talking about how smart she is (when the whole world knows she’s dumb as a post), and then they cut to this clip of her making a total ass of herself. Or there’s Sheree (RHoA) who’s tag line about herself is “I like things classy and sophisticated, just like me”, getting into this fight. A personal favorite is Vicki (RHoOC) talking about how God hates divorce (agreed) but really, do you think He likes when you talk behind everyone’s back, or rip them to shreds to their face?

I could go on for days, but I won’t. I honestly feel like these women signed on to do these shows thinking that they would look really good and somehow the shows would improve their lives. The irony is that they actually look so ridiculous that viewers feel better about themselves, which is the reason (IMHO) that people watch. I might be a bitch, but these women are much bitchier. I might spend too much money, but at least I didn’t get evicted from my home after getting a facelift. I might not be great at math, but compared to these women, I’m freaking Einstein. You get my point.

I swear I’m going to try and quit, but it will be hard. The shows can be entertaining (at times) and I really do like “Watch What Happens Live”, the live show that’s on every night, during which Andy Cohen and guests hilariously make fun of whatever ridiculousness has occurred that day. Andy is from St. Louis, and sometimes I can see that Midwestern look of “are you fu**ing kidding me” cross his face when he’s dealing with crazies. So I have a compromise/great idea – I’m going to offer my services as a REAL PERSON commentator to Andy, for free, so that I can keep watching the shows, but add a touch of true “reality”, which will allow me to keep my self-respect. I don’t think the “stars” will like my opinions, but I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.

maybe this is how michelangelo got started

Posted on April 1, 2012 by frmom

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a sex-a-phobe. I got that title from my cousin, it’s not a terribly long story how but I’ll try to shorten it.*

*April Fools!!

I was watching Pretty Little Liars with numbers 1,2 and 4 and was disturbed by two girls making out. And before I go any further, let me first say that this was the ONLY time I watched PLL, because I found it to be simultaneously childish and pornographic, odd combination as that is. Anyway, I was horrified by these 2 girls kissing and #1 says, “Mom, you’re such a homophobe!” which horrified me even more, because I really don’t think I’m a homophobe. As I’ve said many times before, and even in this blog, people love who they love and I don’t see how love can ever be a bad thing. Still, she had me wondering, could this be true??

So I asked my cousin, who is gay, who I happen to love more than anything, and whose wedding I attended in Toronto many years ago. Did she think I’m homophobic? And her response? Of course not – you’re not a homophobe, you’re a sexaphobe (a word she quite possibly made up on the spot)! It doesn’t matter who is making out/making sex/whatever – you don’t want to see any of it.

She was right. I was SO RELIEVED! I really don’t want to see anyone doing anything, it’s fine with me to show people walking into the bedroom, or climbing into the backseat, or wherever, and then cut to a commercial. Totally fine, I’ll let my imagination do the rest. We don’t discuss s-e-x, and we don’t say any anatomically correct words in my house - we use euphemisms, or air circles in the general vicinity of whatever area to which we are referring, or pictionary, anything but saying words like “va***a” or “pe**s”.

And so, I’m sure you can imagine my surprise this morning, which quickly turned to horror, when I opened the refrigerator and saw #1′s dinner leftovers in this styrofoam container.

Of course, I didn’t want to open it for fear that the picture on the outside was referring to what was inside, but not knowing was just as bad. No worries, it was pasta. I was even more relieved when it occurred to me that should her career in journalism not pan out, she could always count on her art to pay the rent. And it even temporarily forced me outside of my sexaphobe-ness (-ity?) when I told her to finish the damn penis pasta and throw that pornography away.

I need to put another picture in this post, otherwise the PP will be the thumbnail, so here’s one of #5 with the trophy (I guess you’d call it a trophy) from his baseball tournament this weekend.

ready, set….go!

Posted on March 25, 2012 by frmom

I’m sick of being stressed out over things that I can’t change, and so today I decided to stop it. I’ll let you know how that goes, but one thing I do know for sure is, it’s all a matter of perspective. Even I get sick of listening to myself, even in my head, when there are people with big problems in the world. As a going away present to my stressed-out over stupid-shit self, I’m going to allow myself one last hurrah, and give you a 5-minute summary of the BS surrounding my beloved Thursday 6am hot yoga class.

As I’ve talked about before, I teach a variety of fitness classes at several gyms/yoga studios. For over 2 years I’ve taught a hot yoga class at 6am with essentially the same group of people, with some variety mixed in. A very loyal group, and my favorite class of the week. About 3 months ago word on the street was that the gym was going to switch the yoga and Pilates studios, because the Pilates demand was SO GREAT THEY JUST COULDN’T KEEP UP. Evidently they needed a bigger space…although I saw people in the Pilates studio less than 10 times in the 2+ years I’ve walked by on my way to the yoga studio. Whatever.

I was assured that we would be given PLENTY of notice before the change. In the meantime, my students were understandably upset because the Pilates studio could fit only 5 people comfortably. I have 10 -12 on a regular basis. Mid-February, before the current session began, I asked the coordinator if the studio was changing, because my students pay extra for this class and I thought they should be fully aware before spending their money. I was told it was not changing. One of my students also asked the general manager directly if the studio was changing and was told “No. You have nothing to worry about.”

So imagine my surprise when I received an email on February 29th that the studios were changing effective March 4th. There would be “a spiritual dedication, with blessings and chants” of the new studio. I responded with a very respectful email – to everyone – asking how I should choose which of my 12 students should be allowed to continue. I have yet to hear a response.*

*Except from the yoga coordinator, who said that I should “be careful” and it wasn’t a “good idea” to call out your boss. I said, allow me to introduce myself, and then asked if (while I was sleeping) we all suddenly moved to North Korea.

However, to the students, I have remained positive while also respecting their feelings. Not being a positive person by nature, this was an especially hard time to start. But I did it anyway. The first class that we held in a classroom (because it was the only room big enough) we did in the dark because when the lights were on you could see the room from the moon. But even with the carpet, no mirrors, and no heat I told the students we could make this work, just hang in there with me. That was 3 weeks ago.

I called the yoga coordinator this week to see if there was any progress towards better lighting, heat, etc. I realize that new floors will not be easy. Floor lamps and space heaters can be done in less than an hour at Target. She didn’t know anything about lamps, there was a workaround in place for the temperature (they turned off the air conditioning), and candles had been bought. I asked her to find out about the lighting so I’d know before my next class. We agreed to touch base next week.

I was a little confused, then, when I received this email from her yesterday (it went to all of the yoga instructors)

Subject line: looking for morning yoga instructor

_________ is looking for a 6 am yoga instructor to teach one to two times per week. There currently is a Thursday class that is popular so we are looking to add to our schedule based on popular demand. The class needs a confident teacher who understands the athletic student, one who is strong but needs to work on flexiblity. In general, the students like a challenging class and a hot sweaty room. Please don’t hesitate to apply and introduce yourself. Respond to this email…

Thank you for your time. Namaste,

Perhaps one should iron out the kinks in one’s current situation, before adding classes to one’s schedule. Perhaps one should have a proper space in which to hold a class before one hires someone to TEACH this class. Actually, I’m not sure she meant to send it to me, because what I really think is that this is a job opening for MY position.

I know this isn’t a big deal. There are people with really really big problems. But a few of those people are in my class and I happen to know that the hour they spend with me is the only hour of their entire week that they get to forget about the divorce they are going through, the immense stress of their job, or the heartbreak of losing a child. Those things ARE big - bigger than anyone should have to go through, and I am honored and privileged to help them in whatever small way I can. They deserve much better than lies, or to be ignored. I truly care for them, consider them friends and am doing my very best to keep the class going.

Okay, I’m done. Was that longer than 5 minutes? It took me a lot longer to write it but my typing is a little sub-par. But what I know for sure is that the only thing I can change is myself…while I have no plans to stop speaking my mind or calling BS when I see it, I am going to stop banging my head against brick walls. My freaking head hurts.

quick update

Posted on March 20, 2012 by frmom

I’m trying to get my $hit together and post more often but it’s been crazy, as I said in my last post. It’s spring break right now and we are currently chilling at home. My parents took numbers 4 and 5 (along with my niece and nephew) to Silver Dollar City for a long weekend. #1 is ~~on a mission trip in Panama~~ in Panama City with her friends, certainly behaving herself. #2 really IS on a mission (but downtown St. Louis), #3 is dogsitting. BF went on his annual Vegas trip with his Dad and brothers, and whatever friends his brother invites, and I went to Phoenix to hang out with my fav sister-in-law and her kids.

This is the 3rd time we’ve done this. It’s usually pretty laid back, Rachel is the most wonderful hostess and it seems like you’re at a bed and breakfast. This is amazing, when you consider that she has a not-quite 5-month old baby.

miss emma

She also has a 12-year old daughter and 4-year old son, and a 20-year old stepdaughter who was with us, too.

BF, his dad, brother, and brother’s friend drove from Phoenix to Vegas. His dad pitched a hissy fit that he didn’t want to put the miles on his van so they drove the only other car that would fit me, Rach, and all of the kids. They didn’t think about leaving the van (which would also fit everyone) at our house, either. Stellar planning. So we had six people, and a car that fit 5*. Thank God for Megan, the 20-year old/babysitter.

*When I was bitching about the car situation after they got back, the guys were like, you could have put Megan in the back. When I say “back”, you can insert “trunk”.

rach and megan

Anyhow, we got to go for a nice hike up the mountain, which is great for the glutes. Rach and I escaped for a few hours and had lunch and shopping – I introduced her to Lululemon (you’re welcome, Craig ). The guys returned to Phoenix on Saturday and BF, Craig, Rach and I went to dinner at a place called Binkley’s, which was MUCH nicer than the name would suggest. I was really nervous when I saw the menu because it had things like foie gras, skate, and goose egg. I have a general rule that if I can’t pronounce it, or have NEVER heard of it, I don’t eat it. I also don’t eat baby ANYTHING – veal, lamb, or goose egg.

We each did a 4-course tasting, choosing a hot appetizer, cold appetizer, meat or fish (I did cheese instead) and dessert. It actually ended up being like a 10-course meal (seriously) because they bring out all of these little things in between the courses. And when I say little, I mean little. Here’s Rach with the world’s smallest sloppy joe.

rach

Here she is with the world’s smallest lollipop.

dandelion lollipop

Everything was delicious, and the courses were so small that we weren’t stuffed at the end, which is always good. The service was amazing, especially considering the menu changes everyday and the staff describes everything from memory. The best part was that when they brought something unusual out, they told you how to eat it. Don’t you hate when everyone is looking at each other like, what the hell are we supposed to do with this??

craig and rach

BF stopped to use the restroom on the way out so the three of us waited outside. On the way, at the hostess stand, there were little bags of trail mix to take, like other restaurants have mints. The owner followed us out and was asking us how we liked our dinner, and when BF came out, she looked at him and asked if he had grabbed his nuts.

nuts

He said no, but he supposed he could.

bf and i

i’ve missed me, too

Posted on March 11, 2012 by frmom

It seems like it’s been forever since my last post, probably because it has. It has been insane around the f’r house, and it’s also been pretty insane inside my head. When I was doing research on starting a blog, someone said to have some “emergency” posts prepared, and now I see why. Not that I couldn’t find the time, because I really could have, but more because I couldn’t find the right mindset to write. While it seems like I bitch nonstop here, I really do try to keep it lighthearted, and I haven’t been feeling all that lighthearted recently.

Do you ever feel like you have a bullseye tattooed on your forehead? Because that’s how I feel right now – everywhere I turn it seems like someone is hurling shit at me. It’s like I’m in the monkey house at the zoo. Individually nothing is that big of a deal, but even the places that are supposed to be stress-relieving are stress-inducing. My yoga studio at Lifetime has been taken over by Pilates, and I need to slap on a positive attitude about it in front of the members even though I’m as pissed off as they are. My little “job” at Blue Moon Activewear has introduced me to some of the rudest people on the planet, and I just haven’t been in the mood to deal with them. My constant battle with X rages on. And on. And on.

But the biggest pain in my ass right now is #1. To say that she is not being all she can be at school would be an understatement, and on top of that she’s not demonstrating the best moral character, either. So I’m dealing with all of that crap while at the same time going on college visits and having to pretend like I’m not completely pissed off and disappointed in her. It’s exhausting. I think the college selection process would be exhausting without all the other shit going on, and I’m looking forward to finding that out with another child someday. She turned 18 a few days ago – the age at which I can legally kick her ass out of my house – and I had the hardest time picking out a birthday card. Turns out they don’t make cards that say, “To my daughter on her birthday. I’m hoping this is the year you get your shit together.”

She has settled on Mizzou, so at least that decision is behind us. BF has written up a behavior contract for her, specifically outlining exactly what our expectations are and what the consequences will be if she fails to meet them. She hasn’t seen that yet, should be a fun conversation. But I think in celebration of the decision being made and her moving out, I’m going to have a girl’s night margarita party. With myself *

*I will be inviting some girlfriends over…however, if they are unable to attend, the party will go on.

I might have figured out a solution, though. Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out how to get the stress out of my life, just a way to manage it. Marijuana. Pot. Weed. I’m going to start getting high. BF asked how I’d know when to do it, because I don’t ever know when the shit is going to hit the fan, and I said I’d just stay high. Think about it – have you ever seen someone high AND pissed off? NO! I just need to figure out how to ingest it, since I have asthma and don’t want to smoke it. Actually, first I need to figure out how to GET it, then how to ingest it. So if anyone has any good pot brownie recipes, send them my way. Or better yet, just bake some up and bring them to the Girl’s Night.

meet the f'rs

just another not-so-brady bunch